Note to self…

This memory from 5 years ago…

It was a powerful share then and a powerful re-read now!

I look at this and I think #selfawareness

I think continue to work on me through #selfcare and #selflove

I think continue cleaning up my baggage aka my shit because if I don’t I am negotiating with myself because my shit is costing me more than I know… more than I realize… more than I would ever want to cost myself.

The sad thing is others will read this note to self and deflect by looking outward to the who’s they blame for not having the life they feel they are meant to be living, thinking of the who’s that have sabotaged their health and fitness efforts and/or all the reasons/ excuses why their body is in the shape it is, and to the who’s that have hurt them in love.

Deflection because it is easier to deflect than to accept responsibility, easier to deflect than take ownership, and easier to deflect than hold self accountable.

Like there was a time and place where I would have read this and immediately gone to a mindset that “negotiating with self” meant because it had to mean I was “settling by settling for less in others and accepting less of others than I should or deserved” and start eliminating those I felt were causing me to settle.

Could it mean that we are settling or accepting less of others than we should or deserve? Yes, it could mean we are settling or accepting less of others by negotiating with ourselves thus lowering ones standards and boundaries.

That is a possibility…

AND this note to self is just that! A note about self awareness for self responsibility, self accountability, and ownership.

For me, it’s a reminder note to look in the mirror!

One of my biggest aha’s has been learning that until we understand our responsibility, take ownership, and hold ourselves accountable to healing what lies beneath from whatever and whenever time period in our life- that which always tends to show up in varying emotions; and/ or perhaps even actions when that surface is scratched even ever so barely triggering that feeling; and/ or, that which lies beneath that might even be surfacing through repeat sabotaging- hurtful behavior for both ourselves and others for which we have a hard time understanding why we are repeating such behavior and capable of such hurt- we will continue to deflect, continue to blame, and continue to eliminate because we will think we are settling or think we are accepting less than we should or deserve when the person to blame and the person we are accepting less of than we should or deserve is, well, ourself.

We can continue to run and we cannot hide. Our shit will find us.

If we do not build a strong relationship with self we cannot build anything with another person.

How can one have a strong relationship with self if they are harboring something beneath the surface? I could be wrong and I just don’t think it it’s truly possible! I believe it is poor relationship with self that causes sabotaging-hurtful behavior to self such as poor diet, poor exercise habits, even unprotected promiscuous activities for example and sabotaging-hurtful behavior to self others such as cheating, lying, not honoring boundaries, etc.

I am beginning to think those that seek to save face with those that are really nothing to them especially when that saving face may be at sacrifice of someone who they love needs that meaningless validation because they have not saved face with themselves- yet.

It is why I love @MarkGroves @createthelove so much. Regardless of question or topic it always comes back to self… self responsibility, self accountability, and ownership.

No one can do the work for us and they can help us do the work should we choose to first do the work, second be vulnerable, and third trust.

It’s like Mark says, we all have our shit, the question we have to be asking ourselves is who we want to work out our shit with. He never says keep that shit beneath the surface because ignoring it creates the relationship and life you want and desire.