Body Positive?

Body Positivity refers to the assertion that all people deserve to have a positive body image, regardless of how society and popular culture view ideal shape, size, and appearance. Some of the goals of the body positivity movement include: challenging how society views the body.

Love the Body Positivity movement- it is so important!

It’s interesting researching, learning at an entirely new level, changing the way I look at things which then changes the things I look at, and challenging my own beliefs based on what I was taught was truth or am told is truth to determine what is truth AND a minimum what my truth

… which creates an entirely new level of understanding, acceptance, and empathy while at the same time decreases one’s tolerance level for hypocrisy and bullshit.

One being body positive is super important! How one feels about oneself has a significant impact on ones life! Like, as much as I love the Body Positive movement, it is really bullshit!

Why, do I call it bullshit?

Does the fact that brands use all shapes and sizes for models today or the fact that body positivity posters show you their flaws and ask you to love your cellulite, stretch marks, and perceived imperfections, etc cause you to feel any differently about you and your body than you did or do?

Without a doubt “society and popular culture” has an impact on how we define and/ or look at beauty because trends are created that one then compares themself too. Not to the degree we so desperately want to lay blame.

How does that explain low self esteem in preschoolers and kindergartners? It doesn’t!! Insecurity in the young has absolutely nothing to do with society and popular culture.

Did you know studies have shown we are born with aesthetic preferences. So maybe, just maybe, our first comparison is us comparing ourselves to our own aesthetic preferences with our own innocent little minds. And then maybe, just maybe, it is the aesthetic preferences of the first adults in our lives that influences those thoughts we have about ourselves even further such as how the adult feels about themselves (if one has low self esteem that is what they will ultimately teach another) and even what their energy says about how they feel about themselves or us.

Without a doubt, a parents thoughts, feelings, and even words expressed about oneself plays an important role in a child’s thoughts, feelings, and even words they begin to form and express about themselves. I also think personal behavior and habits of parents make huge impacts and influences on their children.

Children are sponges. The soak in all they observe!

I am going to get sexist for a moment by sharing what has become common sexist behaviors- meaning more prominent in happening in one sex over another and/ or maybe even more acceptable in one sex over another.

I want to talk about girls for a moment since there is for sure a bigger issue with self esteem in girls and women than there are in boys and men.

A Mom with low self esteem who asks a Dad “does this make me look fat” may be teaching a young impressionable mind that the opinion of another matters maybe even more than their own. Is that a positive or a negative? Not only does young girl starts to learn that the opinion of others matters more than ones own-?the little girl begins to check out her own body and question if she looks fat etc.

Girl observes the women that Dad (and Dad’s just thought Mom noticed and some think no one notices:) is checking out and maybe even starts to compare herself to these women as to perhaps maybe draw conclusion whether its right or wrong how her Dad really feels about her appearance. Is that a positive or a negative?

Girl maybe even observes Dad and Mom arguing about the women Dad checks out. What does that then do for a young girls esteem? You think it helps build it up?

I have written a lot lately about the impact we as parents have on our kids and the relationship they have with themselves and others by the relationship we have or do not have with ourselves.

I have written about how different I think dating would be if men treated women as they would want their daughters to be treated and women treated men as they would want their sons to be treated.

It is funny how so much of what I have written about is showing up in Californication. And then its not, because the universe tends to speak to you if you listen. The universe tends to bring validation or stop it signs. I have never watched the show and Alex thinks he watched maybe part of the first season and we decide to watch it- had no idea the deep messages and life lessons it would hold.

Really digging deeper into “Body Positive” has made me realize just how much more powerful the relationship a parent has with oneself is in helping a child build a relationship with themself, just how powerful the relationship two parents have with each other then is (relationship with self comes first because it is the foundation for relationship with others) is to a child building a relationship with themself- how important this is together or apart for a child, and then just how fucking important individual behaviors and habits of each parent is to a child building a truly healthy and fit relationship with themself.

It is the relationship that builds them up to avoid the or breaks them down to the pressures of “society and popular culture”.

Some have a strong and healthy self esteem in spite of their parents, not because of their parents. For many it could be awareness and wanting to be different so action was taken in the form of #selfcare and #selflove to be different. This is where I bring up another’s important factor when looking at self esteem and how one could have self esteem issues before any exposure to society and popular culture. It is called personality trait(s)! We are all born with personality traits and we are each uniquely different. There are no two people exactly the same- period!! Personality trait(s) for sure impact how one handles and even how they interpret negative criticisms they observe or what might be behavior that is considered negative like I outlined above starting with their parents. Personality traits likely even determine what is absorbed or not absorbed into their sponge.

I am starting to see more clearer than ever that ones esteem is less about society and popular culture aka social media and a lot more about the relationship one was empowered to form with self or lack thereof based on what one was taught and/or role modeled coupled with personality traits.

Like all relationships, the relationship we have with self has the ability to change for the worse or the better. It too is a relationship where communication is key to its success… that is how one communicates with oneself.

Here is what we all need to understand…

It does not matter why you feel the way you do about yourself or how you got in poor health and fitness!

What matters is how you do feel about yourself! What also matters is your health and fitness!

You see, I do not think someone else telling you to feel good about and love your cellulite and stretch marks etc is going to make you feel good about and love your cellulite and stretch marks etc. Chances are you are paid compliments on a regular basis and those too have not helped. They are a 5 second ego boost at best.

What matters is us getting rid of our inner mean girl or boy or person and change how we speak to ourselves, how we love ourselves, and how we care for ourselves.

Understanding that the only opinion that matters as to how we look in those jeans or if we feel fat or not is our own opinion. If we do not feel our best, take action so that we create our best feeling ever.

Body positivity is important! The question is how do we promote body confidence while at the same time promoting the need (yes, it is a necessity) for good nutrition and fitness habits to build needed good health and a strong body that prevents, fights, and heals disease? How do I as a fitness professional and a more important as a Mother walk the delicate line of raising awareness without hurting feelings. The following words from a doctor are often spoken in my head since first hearing them- “No one wants to fat shame! And we all want everyone to be comfortable with their bodies! But this movement about being comfortable with our bodies has made us comfortable with being sick” ‘What the Health’ on Netflix.

How one feels about oneself has a direct impact on the level of #selfcare and #selflove one shows themself; and that then has a direct impact on how well someone takes care of themself- their health and their fitness.

This is where #selfaccountability #selfresponsibility and #ownership have to come into play and we have to stop blaming social media or others etc because the blame game only hinders us by diminishing our power.

We cannot control how anyone else shows up! We can control how we show up- we hold that power!

We can also control what our standards and boundaries are to protect the relationship we have built with ourselves. We hold the power of who we allow in our inner circle and our world for that matter.

Truth is we are sponges at every age! We can have weak moments where the unbecoming behavior of another can start to crack our strong foundation, can cause us to feel differently about ourselves or begin to question, and can cause us to start the comparison game. Moments where how we treat others is not reciprocated.

Bettering the relationship one has with self take action! It takes continued thought, decision, and action to maintain growth!

I end on this note. It is truly amazing how powerful the relationship with self is and the impact it has in ones life, not only for quality of ones own life, for the quality of other relationships in ones life especially the romantic kind.

So powerful I hope you don’t let another day go by putting you off!!