What are you holding onto and why?

What are you holding onto and why?

As I prepare for a move, I find myself with an opportunity to go through items I have not used and ask why am I holding onto this item that I have not used or worn in far more than a year and why?

I have spoken very openly how I used shopping as a coping mechanism for a bad marriage.

How I embedded myself into work to avoid a bad marriage. If I kept occupied I could keep my mind off what needed to be addressed as if the problem didn’t exist.

You know bury it and pretend all is good.

It was not until I addressed the problem that my shopping therapy which is not a working therapy was truly seen by me.

It was actual therapy, both personal and marriage that gave me the strength to face that what I needed to face… and that was my home life was broken and beyond repair. I was staying for all the wrong reasons and that was causing more destruction.

My kids deserved to see a healthy loving relationship.

My ex husband as happy as he thought he was- wasn’t- because there is no way at all that one person could be miserable and the other happy.

Likely, we both were very much in denial of truth.

He hiding behind golf and video games.

Me shopping and work.

Truth

Facts

As I moved from 4500 square feet and a huge closet into 800 square feet I had to purge A LOT, the amount of clothes I had with tags on them was truly insane.

In true transparency an embarrassing personal moment of self reflection for me of how much money I wasted avoiding.

How many years I wasted avoiding.

How much hurt was caused to others by avoiding.

My best friend and I went through all my clothes and shoes; and, purged thousands of dollars worth of clothes and shoes for donation.

That’s was just the beginning of me ridding baggage and negativity that would ultimately free me in a way I never imagined.

You see it’s not always things we hold on to, it’s people too, people that are unhealthy for us. We hold on for lots of different reasons. Often out of a feeling of obligation and who we lose in the process of dealing with unhealthy is ourselves- one piece at a time.

It’s such a slow process, it’s very easy to dismiss until it’s not.

As I have spent these past 10 years in a powerful journey of building my best relationship with self, removing stuff and people that created a blockage.

Hurt that caused me to hold on… to???

Well, the real journey really began further back and it was not until my world was rocked with disease that gave me 20/20 vision that I was fully humbled to make the true changes needed in my life.

I remain a girl in growth and a woman dedicated to self care and self love.

So here I am finding myself in another opportunity of growth.

What have I still held on to and why?

I have bags full of channel eye shadows most never used, probably expired. So many the exact color palettes. I have bags of channel lipsticks that are no longer a shade I would wear.

I spend most of my week bare faced and was so inspired by the show Glow Up that when I do wear make up, I wear playful colors and lots of sparkle.

And if I haven’t worn something through one year of every season what are the chances I will ever wear it. Very unlikely so it’s time to say goodbye.

So I had to dig deep and ask “why the fuck am I holding on to these things”

The answer…

Fear of letting go of money spent that I don’t necessarily have the funds to replace with new- not that I need new. So somehow looking in the closet and seeing lots of clothes made me feel good… like I have options. Funny because most of my week is spent in lululemon. What I have now realized is that is meaningless unless I give it meaning. I was giving it meaning because it gave me comfort at one point, now it’s just taking up space and collected dust.

I need to be better organized and that organization is important to me.

I am ready to purge again. This will be my final purge to keep in my life only those material things I utilize. All else is just filling up space.

The people part, I have purged the negative unhealthy from my life. I will continue to keep a distance from negative.

I will continue to distance myself from those who don’t feed my soul, rather suck the energy out of me.

My being at peace with myself is important.

So what are you holding on to and why?

Who is it benefiting and who is it harming?

It could be stuff!

It could be pounds of fat!

Is it time for a life spring cleaning?