Repression and Suppression
So I shared both the definition for Repression and Suppression in a earlier post.
As Alex and I revisited and re-watched each series; both, Sex, Love and Goop on Netflix and then The Making of a Sex Room on Netflix, we see without blinders how repression and then suppression is a common issue in most bedrooms or shall I say sexual relationships of couples.
So as I keep watching and keep speaking out loud during of how amazing it is that there is so much repression and suppression that is costing people relationships because sex is lacking truly for both partners; and more important, communication about sex is lacking if existing at all; which ultimately, means true intimacy and comfort to be vulnerable is lacking.
I understand it because it is what I lived most of my life.
Fear of speaking truth
Fear of hurting feelings
Fear of being rejected for being a sexual being
Fear of being misunderstood for my fantasies and desires
Fear of making a partner feel less than for not pleasing me
Fear of being judged
I can even reference back to the documentary on Pole therapy and my own personal experience being in a room full of woman taking a few pole classes so far on how liberating they feel- how liberated I felt being in the presence of other women letting go.
Owning ones sexuality and expressing it is powerful! It’s positive, not negative.
Repression and Suppression, two words that I have been in deep thought with for many reasons- all which stem from personal experience and human observation.
1. The cast of judgement from others in open forum like a judge-mental comment on another’s thread.
2. The assumption of others based on the stories they make up in their own mind versus asking any questions.
3. The defining of one by others based on their own limited beliefs and closed minds, due usually to what they were raised to believe is right or wrong; and therefore, as a result stand on a pedestal in self righteousness to cast their judgement, assumption, and defining of others based on those limited beliefs and closed minds.
4. Jealousy and envy by those who don’t, of those who do, live free from the thought that they have to confirm to a “normal standard” because they are (1) free from giving a fuck of how many people like or dislike them, (2) they care about making real friendships with people that except them as they are, (3) connections with real fucking people-not people who wear one hat in the closet; one hat behind their front door; one hat at work; another hat when they are with their friends; and then another hat in front of family, and… I am exhausted just thinking about all the pretenses proposed. The pretenses and fake bullshit- insincere people- I have personally witnessed especially these past 7 years since being diagnosed with a rare neurological disease.
I think it is clear I am not a hat person:) And the only mask I wear is the mask I put on when I want some added kink in the bedroom. Okay, maybe a hydraulic acid mask for plump skin:)
I don’t think most people enjoy all the hat changes!
I just believe so many live in fear of what others will think or how they will react that they play the parts.
We were taught to “play the part”
My sex talk growing up- abstinence until marriage- or God will…???
Kinda funny coming from two parents who were both very promiscuous, and then pregnant forcing their hand in marriage.
Funny coming from two parents who both committed adultery on more than one occasion.
My relationship talk was “you can just as easily fall in love with a man that has money as you can a man who does not”
They wanted to pretend like they were perfect so that my sister and I would somehow not repeat their mistakes aka as being human.
And, when not perfect because who is, made to feel like the worst human beings on earth.
Hypocrisy at its best!
My Mom actually sat on the front stoop getting drunk for a week straight with her hair up in a towel when you found out by reading a diary that one of us lost our virginity… drunk in the name of Jesus because we ruined her life.
Hello, most teenagers have hormones and if you do not talk about hormones and sex with them, someone else will.
Or worse, they will haphazardly discover.
What if…
My parents had actually shared their history and came from a position of learning and teaching letting us ask questions versus lets repress and then suppress them.
What if…
My parents had communicated that ultimately they want the best for me and want me to be protected in hopes of making decisions that I would ultimately not have regret over.
What if…
Shame was not the tactic?
What if…
Disappointing a parent or God would not be threat of outcome?
There are so many “what if’s”
As I have shared before I am lucky for lots of reasons, and I will share just a few reasons!
1. I grew up bouncing from one religion to the next and when you bounce from one to the next you quickly realize the hypocrisy in religion- not believing- in religion aka as mans interpretation of the Bible aka as man seeking his own power by mandating that his interpretation is correct.
I early on questioned; and yet, was not allowed to question.
So I was forced to wear one hat at home to keep the peace and another out in public to be me.
I never felt dirty or ashamed of my sexuality, regardless of how badly my parents attempted to repress and suppress.
Their credibility was not valid, and I think that every parent who lies to their children about family history etc lacks credibility.
That lack of integrity to speak truth sets up a false sense of perfection to be reached and a huge amount guilt to be felt if not reached- that disappointment factor.
That feeling of letting another down shame.
2. I was born a person who questions- it is probably the one thing that drives Alex nuts about me- and it is who I am. It stems from my love of learning. Learning about life, learning about people, learning about how people think, learning who people are at their core. Don’t think God makes mistakes, I will stay with the personality he gave me:)
So I questioned, I learned, and I continue to learn and explore.
I want to be in the know of what is happening in this world.
Most important, I would to be free to be me and authentic to who I am.
3. My personality, especially during my teens, was a bit rebellious. I am a rebel at heart I guess. That is why I do not follow trends or play the clique game.
I believe that those who went to high school with me would support that I was nice to all regardless of who my main friends were.
Now, that rebellion part, bit me in the ass LMAO…
because I did not marry for money and even that thought of choosing someone for money does not sit well with me.
It is just not who I am.
I gave it good thought after divorcing LOL and those type of men I went on dates with were such a turnoff.
Last thing I need in life is another controlling relationship!
Being truly happy is never a settlement! Know that!!
4. I guess the “questioning” being in me creates curiosity. So exploring sexually and exploring pleasure with adult wellness devices (a new phrase I just heard for adult toys) has always been part of who I am.
Without exploring, how do we know what we like, what we don’t like?
OMG! What Alex and learned about ourselves and each other from taking the Sexual Blueprint which is a sexual personality test which anyone can take by going to http://www.missjaiya.com.
Alex said it best when he said to me in reading this blog, expressing one sexuality would not be powerful if it were not for people taught to be repressed thus suppressing their sexuality. And, then feeling bad or like a sinner for even discussing it. One expressing their sexuality whether that is wearing heels, a sexy dress, lingerie etc should be normal- not scandalous.
So true…
God would not have made us sexual beings if he did not want us to be sexual beings.
Remember, that before Adam took a bite of the apple, pleasure is all that existed on earth.
Repression and suppression I believe is the root of so much dysfunction in ones personal relationship with self and dysfunction in settling for “happy enough” or not happy at all.
I also believe that repression and suppression has lead to a generation of people who have no clue who they even are.
I end on this note…
I shared about my hormone levels earlier and how based on my hormones I should have very low sex drive and my sex drive is anything but low:) I have also shared in previous blog post the healing aspects of orgasms.
Repression and suppression I strongly believe has lead to so much sexual dysfunction physically, mentally, and emotionally.
So much so I wonder how many headaches and lack of drive to not play and get out of sex are mental and emotional versus an actual physical headache?
My guess, a whole fucking lot!
One BadAss BITCH 