And there it begins…

And there it begins…

They catch your eye and grab your interest!

Your heart beats a little faster… are you catching their eye just as much as they are you?

You connect and the conversation starts.

Interest based on conversation diminishes or increases our initial attraction and we move forward towards something more or excuse ourselves graciously.

Okay, maybe, just maybe for some it will end with a one night stand because the physical attraction is there:)

I think we can all agree that one’s personality, intelligence, interest, etc can cause us to adjust our initial attraction for the better or for worse.

What I think we can also agree on is we are all initially drawn to someone based on aesthetics- looks and outward appearance.

It’s only natural. We all have types that appeal to us and some of us have more than one type that appeals to us aesthetically speaking.

Without a doubt who a person is internally makes or breaks a potential future and without that initial attraction we likely wouldn’t take the time to get to know them!

There are some rare exceptions where you may be friends or co-workers with a person who you don’t have a strong physically attraction to and you become attracted to them based on who they are and how they make you feel… and I would also suggest that in these cases this person has some aesthetic attributes that do meet some of your attraction requirements such as they are in shape because they take great care of themselves, or their eyes and smile, etc.

Attraction for most is needed for an important part of any relationship- the sex life. How great is one’s sex life going to be if they are not sexually attracted to their partner? More importantly, if sex is an important part of a romantic relationship, what underlying frustrations can be developing if one or both persons are struggling with sexual attraction to the other?

For men, lack of attraction could lead to inability to get a hard on, disinterest in foreplay, desire to just get it over with as quickly as possible, not initiating as often if at all, etc.

For women, lack of attraction could lead to disinterest of having sex with their partner covered up with I have a headache, I am too tired, I am not in the mood, I have to get up early, desire to just get it over with quickly as possible too, not initiating or turning down initiation, etc.

Whether the attraction is lost by one for the other or both for each other, the result is for both sexual frustration because neither are as @kimanami would say are “well fucked”.

When there is a feeling of less than desirable sex or not enough sex, cracks start to happen in other areas of the relationship.

More importantly, it shows up in various ways on a personal level too.

So, Alexis, what does this have to do with Health and Fitness?

Glad you asked!

I think all too often we forget the importance of attraction. We want to believe that if someone loves us they should love us at any size and weight.

All too often we stop taking care of ourselves or don’t make necessary adjustments as we age to maintain our best aesthetics… we fail to keep our outward attraction at its peak… and too many stop caring altogether. Our exterior becomes unrecognizable to the person our partner first met.

If they truly love us, shouldn’t they love us at any weight? Reality is they do!

Let’s not confuse love and attraction.

Love does not equate to sexual attraction. Biology is biology, hormones are hormones and attraction is needed for the ultimate turn on.

Think of dating apps… are we swiping right for those we are not attracted to? Don’t think so!

Are we even taking the time to read their bio and interest if there is not an initial attraction? Doubtful!

Attraction is where it all starts!

Question is why do so many change in appearance by gaining weight and getting out of shape after commitment?

-Is it because we get comfortable and think our looks should no longer matter?

-Is there something underlying or lacking in the relationship that we are masking with food?

-Is there something internally we have personally not dealt with that we are now masking with food?

-What are we missing in our lives or upset with that we are using food to comfort?

There are so many reasons I could propose as to why a person stops caring about themselves and their appearance…

And with an extremely high divorce rate, I would bet that most divorces start with loss of attraction that leads to less unsatisfying sex or even non existent sex lives that then leads to other cracks and then complete failure.

I have blogged often that most weight issues have nothing to do with just a love for food or dislike of exercise and everything to do with what the food is comforting. It might be personal or it might be relationship related or both.

There is nothing that proves this fact more than watching what happens after most people get divorced. They instantly start caring about their appearance again, get in shape, and seek a new partner. If it was about food addiction would this be possible? No!

For most it is not about food addiction. The food is simply filling a void.

What if we worked on getting back into shape and being truly healthy and fit?

What if we invited our partner to do the same?

What if we worked on personal growth and relationship growth to heal so we no longer needed to fill the void with food.

Could we reignite the sexual attraction that first caught our eye and brought us together with our partner… better yet… could we make it stronger than ever?

It’s very possible!

And, it’s okay, if it doesn’t. Their decision to participate or not participate should not impact your decision to love and take care of yourself. We don’t stay unfit and unhealthy because those in our lives choose to stay unfit and unhealthy.

My hope is this post is reaching you early to wake you up and get you back in focus of being healthy and fit so that you have a partner who cannot keep their hands off of you and that never changes! That you keep them in amazement of how well you take care of you and they do the same for you.

I believe we have a responsibility to our partner to grow for the better and maintain our fitness and health to keep the attraction alive. I believe they have that same responsibility to us.

Again, loving someone and still being attracted to them are two different things.

I think it’s important we stop confusing the two- it’s costing us way too much. The ultimate cost being true and undeniable satisfaction and happiness in every aspect of life!

For those already in a situation where they feel their partner has lost attraction for them or they have lost attraction for their partner. It’s never too late to start loving yourself again. They might then start loving themselves again. It may bring you back together tighter than ever in love and sex like you never imagined – cracks can be sealed. Its okay if it brings you both to realizing its time to move on.

What’s not okay! Staying in place of unhappiness and living a lifestyle of poor health.

Let’s get started on building your best body ever, building your best health ever, and the mindset to maintain it.

Nothing is more attractive than a person who loves themselves enough to take great care of their health and fitness. The confidence one exudes when they feel good about themselves is magnetic.

I end with this…

It all starts with you! And it ends with you!

We have to stop putting responsibility on others and accept our ownership for our choices. We cannot blame our bad habits on our partner. Just because they are eating poorly and not exercising doesn’t mean we have to. Just because they are in poor health doesn’t mean we have to be.

No more blame… no more excuses!

It starts with you! And it ends with you!