Telling it like it is!

So let’s start 2021 with some fireworks!

Called telling it like it is!

A few weeks ago I posted the following…

“What does betrayal look like in a relationship?

The definition of betrayal involves the act of someone violating your trust in them. … A spouse is betrayed when their partner has an affair. Betrayal is when someone you trust lies to you, cheats on you, abuses you, or hurts you by putting their own self-interest first.”

I appreciate all the private messages, concerns, and questions. I am an open book and will always share because I believe we learn from others!

As those that have followed me and/ or have personally known me for a while know that I was in a marriage where I was unhappy for a very long time. Most in my life knew this fact. And many were very aware well before I was that I was in a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship.

I am so passionate about sharing Mark Groves @createthelove and others experts to help others awaken, grow, and heal through growth.

It took me 7 years of marriage and personal counseling during those same years to recognize the pattern of who I was bringing into my life personally and professionally that had similar behavior, accept and forgive myself for being less than perfect to tolerate- that was a tough one for me, awaken, grow, and heal… and guess what I am still healing daily.

I wrote that definition of betrayal because when one goes through a divorce one must be prepared for betrayal from many different directions.

Anyone in your life- spouses, partners, friends, family, coworkers, leaders, etc are capable of betraying you.

Most humans don’t like change. They don’t like making change and when someone close to them begins to make changes it makes them very uncomfortable.

Trust me I was very much over the marriage…. long before it actually ended. I was manipulated through control to stay as long as I did. Who goes to marriage counseling for 7 years?

What I wasn’t prepared for as I proceeded with divorce was the other relationships that were severed as a result. And others that were diminished.

Being betrayed by those I never imagined would.

You learn who your true friends and family are when you go through your toughest emotional times and biggest financial struggles of your life. Your lowest of lows.

It’s easy to be a friend and family member to someone who is making a lot of money and is a blast to be around… always focusing on the highs. Someone you can tap into to help you.

It actually requires true care, true love, empathy, sympathy, compassion, and thought of the person to be true friend and loving family when someone is at their lowest of lows.

I have been surprised by who was in my corner and have made great new friendships and I have had some heartbreaking losses learning who was conditionally in my life- not in my corner.

I am not talking about the friends your spouse brought into the relationship or their family. That’s a given.

I am referring to your own personal family and friends.

You quickly learn who your friends are and whose friendship was conditional and only truly available during your good times. Who supports you, who has your back, who is in your corner, and who is not!

There are people so threatened by your growth and your authenticity because they are anything but!

We could even say some betray because they envy or are jealous because they are so afraid to be their authentic self.

They will remain “friends” with you and might even show concern for you by talking with everyone else about you rather than pick up the phone and personally call you. It’s disguised as concern and it’s really to discuss a photo you posted that is very much in alignment with the blog it accompanies. That might actually require they read the blog- it’s more fun to phone a friend and discuss without reading.

It’s not concern- it’s gossip. It’s a great deflection from any bullshit in their life they are choosing to hide.

I run a fundraiser that includes my bootcamp to raise money and again you quickly learn who has your back and who doesn’t. It’s easier and more fun to talk about the surgery I had and trips I have gone on with others versus picking up phone and asking me what is going on! Why do I need the funds…. again, if one actually took the time to read the fundraiser you would know exactly why.

Do you know what I have paid for, not paid for? What was gifted, not gifted? What was points, not points? What was exchange for marketing, what was not?

You know nothing because you choose to gossip versus seek first to understand! You choose to gossip versus support a friend! More importantly, the charity you donate to has to be visual and make you look good in business. Helping a friend doesn’t accomplish that social media attention you so crave to better yourself and the perception you so want people to believe about you.

You know a lot and you choose to keep distance with blinders on because helping this friend doesn’t forward your self interest.

And, God Forbid, you support your friend by liking one of their post because you are too afraid someone might judge you for liking a post on sexual health, health and fitness, etc.

What if you actually helped others grow and awaken by liking, by sharing, by supporting a friend.

What if you found yourself awakening as a result?

You forget, I know you- I know the real you. I know the shit in your closest. I am the same person who was voted to go first in the game at Christmas parties because I am considered the biggest freak in the sheets.

My career has transitioned back to my original career and passion. True healthy and fit lifestyles. Yes, sexual health is part of that.

And, family, that’s an entire other post. I will just quickly communicate that divorce teaches and reveals very quickly who the narcissistic, gaslighting self serving, and controlling people are in your family- in your life.

In 7 years of individual counseling with some of the best therapist I have learned so much.

I have broken patterns; and more importantly, I am getting faster at identifying and not alllowing like people in my life.

Strong boundaries and to exit people who don’t deserve to be in my life because they are not in my corner.

I am authentically and unapologetically me! If my topics make you uncomfortable all the more reason you need to read them.

With my continued growth following @createthelove Mark Grove my boundaries grow tighter, my passion stronger, and my tolerance for bullshit smaller.

If this post spoke to you fantastic because we are all guilty of betraying someone somehow at some point in our lives. It’s never too late to make amends.

If you are preparing for divorce I hope this post has you better prepared.

And, lastly, I leave you with this. Those who have betrayed me when I needed you most! If you are not willing to be in my corner than please step out of my circle.

I have zero tolerance for fake!